SPIRIT’S STORY and Tonka too

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Clik here to view.SPIRIT’S STORY SPIRIT SPIR BEAR, BEAR and Tonka Too
Date: 5/12/2008 1:01:23 AM Eastern DaylightTime

I have been waiting for quite some time to tell the story of my beloved dog Spirit. Interesting too that at this time I am dogless for the first time since I found Luna in 1973.  Actually there was a span of 2 years after Luna passed that I was dogless but for most of my adult life, I have been graced with wonderful canine company. Tonight is also the eve of Spirit/Bear’s passing on Mother’s Day some 7 years ago.
I am now feeling ready for another dog in my life and am hoping that Spirit/Bear will feel that it is a good time to return to me on this side of the veil.
Spirit/Bear was actually an import, that is, I met him outside New Orleans so he technically is a Cajun Canine.
I had done a Tarot reading for myself before going to perform and Priestess at Spiritfest outside of New Orleans in Nov. of ’91. The outcome card was the Ace of Cups, a signature for pure true love.  I thought that I was going to meet my soul mate for sure …and I did, just not the way that I had thought.
Sprit and I found each other at Spiritfest near New Orleans on the banks of Lake Ponchitrain. This was a great Festival of spirited women and I had the opportunity to work with some of the most powerful in the nation including dear friends Z. Budapest,Ffiona Morgan,Morgana and many others.
As we arrived at the camp, a fluffy black dog that resembled a black Golden Retriever, approached the group and became everyone’s mascot. He hustled burgers from the cooks at the grill, got massages from the massage therapists who picked all of the gritty things from his coat and essentially was adored by all.
I had assumed that he had a home and was just hanging out with us because there was a lot of us and he was so friendly. Unfortunately this was not the case for this sweet young dog and he had actually been abandoned at the park.
As the festival wound down, he became increasingly morose figuring that he would again be left alone. He must have known that I was the biggest softie in the group or he had already figured out that I was to be his soul mate because he positioned himself lying right across the picnic table nearest to my cabin with his head between his paws with the saddest eyes that you have ever seen.
Because I had come with another couple of women in their vehicle, I didn’t think that I could take him home with me.  Imagine my surprise when Rose, who owned the van asked if anyone would take this beautiful dog home and how she would if she could etc.  I already had 2 dogs but I was so touched by this special black dog from the bayou that I asked Rose if we could take him with us and that I would find him a home.
Some of the other women at the fest who had fallen in love with him hoped that someone would take him.  They told me all about some of his great qualities, like the fact that he had already shown himself to have excellent circle manners.  In this crowd that was a major selling point for sure.
When Rose said that indeed we could take him in the van, I don’t know who was happier, the women at the fest, the Cajun canine who would be called Spirit after the festival, or me.
Spirit lit up like a Christmas tree when he saw that I was not leaving him behind and we trundled into the overcrowded van full of my musical gear, tons of crystals, 3 women and Spirit!
Because there was so little room, he rode on my belly from New Orleans to Gainesville Florida.  By the time we arrived home we were in love and I knew that Moonhaven would be his new home.
Fortunately he was about 1 1/2 and a mid sized dog, or so I thought.
Typically when I bring a new animal home, I would make lots of preparations to help them get to know each other and blend outside my home first but because it was the middle of the night and I was exhausted, we just came right into the house together and Spirit,Astarte, Moonshadow,Pearl,Merlin,and Tara met and everyone blended just fine.  It was like he had always been there and his generous nature warmed everyone’s heart.
Funny how this homeless abandoned animal was wanted by no one until he was wanted by someone and then I could have gotten him 3 homes as soon as my friends met him.
There was no way that I would ever have given him up as he had totally won my heart.
Abandonment is a really hard thing for an animal to get over and Spirit was no exception.  Now I use the flower essence combination Abandonment and Abuse and the issue usually disappears.  However no matter how much and how long I was totally devoted to him, he always had a touch of that insecurity.
Spirit was one of those exceptional creatures that loved everyone and everything.  I taught many classes in my home while Spirie lived with me and somehow, he managed to insert himself on the couch with the women no matter if there were 3 or 4 others and most amazingly, no one minded and they just snuggled and kissed him which was what he lived for.  It was as if his body had no bones as he wove his flexible form around the women’s arms and laps.
Spirit never met a being that he didn’t like. He was a walking heart chakra as I often called him.  One student came to class with a baby cockatiel in a box because it needed constant feeding. Spirit, being at least part retriever, should have wanted to chase the bird but instead he sat by the box whining and crying til he could see it and lick it which he did with tenderness.  Once he met his new baby, he sat next to it all night guarding and occasionally licking it to make sure all was well.
When my cat Tucky had her litter of kittens, she let Bear co-parent with her from day one trusting him to watch the babies while she took a well deserved break.
My boy was a Velcro pup and mainly wanted to be wherever I was including sitting with me as I worked with clients.  His presence often soothed a client who was going through a hard time.  What I discovered the hard way though was that he took it all to heart and was an empath like his Mom.
On one occasion, a woman was sobbing in my office going through severe incest trauma and Spirit crawled into her lap and pressed his heart against hers.
The woman left feeling much better but shortly there after, Spirit began to hyperventilate and began to have what appeared to be a heart attack. Interestingly, that woman client felt like she had a heart attack later that day so clearly the 2 of them had a connection.
I sped into Gainesville to the Animal Emergency vet and got him stabilized but the news was not good.  They told me that this dog that I adored had a defect in his heart and would probably only have another 2 years max to live.  I was devastated and in shock.  How could I lose him so soon, we just found each other! I followed the traditional medical procedures that the vet gave me including Lasiz to pull the fluid off of his heart until he seemed to be out of danger but I had decided that I would find a way to give him more of a chance for a full life.  I would find a more natural method to keep him healthy beginning with getting him on a natural diuretic. I knew that the Lasiz would ultimately damage his kidneys trying to help his heart so I sought a more natural treatments that would not have such serious side effects.
I was already quite acconplished with alternative healing methods from stones and crystals,herbs,hands on healing, psychic readings, flower essences, nutrition and more and I knew that there had to be someone who could help me heal my boy Spirit….and there was; her name was Kay Cornish Mann and for the next 16 years she was to be my mentor in animal communication and alternative healing.
In my quest to heal my dog, I inadvertently began a new career that has grown exponentially since those early days, but first, I had to learn how to communicate and heal my own animals.
When I started working on other people’s animals.,I was shocked at how easy it was because that emotional component was not weighing on me.
Spirit was the perfect recipient of holisitic treatments as his system and temperament was so gentle and sensitive.  Around this time, Kay informed me that Spirit was requesting a name change. He said that it was hard enough for him to stay in his body, and that a more grounded name was in order. His name evolved from Spirit to Spir-Bear and finally to Bear.  When I found him, I believed that I had a mid-sized dog but as he felt more secure, he bloomed into a large dog who actually began to walk and resemble a big black bear and literally became his namesake.
My Bear boy. as I often called him, had gorgeous thick wavy black fur with the softest brown eyes that could melt any heart. Either he was a combination of Golden Retriever, Lab, and Setter, or he may have actually been a Flat Coated Retriever as he resembled that dog as well.
The 11 years that Bear graced my life were probably the richest and most transformative years of my life. I have noticed that a new animal sometimes portends the entrance of a new human relationship too. I always felt that Bear had opened my heart enough to be ready for my relationship with Tara Silverfox who would become my wife.  As a matter of fact, several months after that relationship began, I remembered a dream that I had even written down a year prior which revealed my meeting Tara in the dreamtime.
In the dream I encountered Tara as a dear old friend who then disappeared. I followed her to a hidden space where she descended into a burlap bag. I shook the bag open and out popped a bouncing black puppy.  I was quite amazed when I read that crumpled old paper with the dream scrawled across it with the two of them related.
I learned so much about homeopathy, flower essences and making gem elixirs during my life with Bear and Kay’s wonderful teachings. I was very used to doing psychic and Tarot readings to discover information from my animals but establishing intentional direct communication was new to me.  Kay taught me to listen, to clear my thoughts, and let the animals thoughts, and emotions come through. Because I am and always have been an empath, sometimes I literally feel my animals symptoms which can be confusing at first if I don’t know that they are not my own.  Both forms of information gathering work but the ease, flow, and clarity when you hook up directly with your animal is astounding and never ceases to amaze me. I will speak more of this else where.
There wasn’t any holistic treatment that Bear didn’t like but he especially loved the flower essences and I often called him my flower boy. I could always tell when he wanted some as he would lay across the couch in the living room and wait for me to notice. He was always ready for his drops and loved when I treated him.
At this time, I was introduced to the incredible Greenhope Farms Flower Essences and their creator, Molly Sheehan.  I can’t say enough about the purity, elevation, and potency of their products and the whole process at the farm.
One of the combination essences that was developed at that time was called Arbor Garden and Bear just loved it.  This one makes you feel like you are being held by Angels and to this day is the one that I use more than any other for animals and people as well.
I started making my own gem elixirs at this point as well with a little guidance from Kay but mostly my own deep knowledge of the stones and crystal world.  I have collected and loved rocks since I was 8 yrs old and now my connection would allow me to enter their incredibly magical healing world.
All of these modalities became so much more important because I needed them to help my Bear beat the death sentence given him by the vet. I was so blessed to have him as my teacher and to have Kay help us both by being my mentor. She will have her own chapter in this book as it could not have been written without her.
So many stores and happy memories come when I think of this magnificent Spirit. He slept next to me curled up by my side almost every night and wanted to go everywhere with me too.
Taking the 3 dogs to the beach nearby was always quite the excursion.  Moonshadow jumped in eagerly with Bear in hot pursuit but for the most part, Astarte would have to be forced into the car. I had surmised that this panic was the result of her having been thrown out of a vehicle. Often as not, it was me and these 3 large dogs jammed into the car all the way to the local boat ramp.  I always had to be careful as I let them out because the canine stampede often could run right over my bare legs. Moonie was the best behaved and the largest and considered it her job as alpha bitch to make sure that nobody got too far away. I was very grateful for that. Bear loved to track small fish at the edge of the water and that would keep him content for hours unless he was swimming with me, which he preferred.
My then partner Tara, adored Bear as well and who wouldn’t, he was a heart chakra on legs. So ironic that he had that early diagnosis of a heart condition.
As you can imagine, we beat the odds and the shortened life span that the vet had predicted for my big boy.
One of the strangest and hardest time I had with him was early on when Tara and I went on our honeymoon across the country to Oregon. Fortunately I had a wise and spiritual woman watching the animals and my mentor Kay was also keeping a watchful third eye on the situation from New York State where she lived. Kay had warned me that Spirit might have a problem if I wasn’t home in 10 days. Don’t ya just hate when people are right sometimes? True to her prediction. on day 10 or so of our trip I got a frantic call from my house sitter telling me that Bear was hyperventilating and seeming to go into a heart problem. She called Kay too who gave her some help and suggestions. I was heart sick and so freaked out now, sitting in Oregon helpless, or so it seemed. I always traveled with a good amount of stones and crystals and pictures of all of my critters and I had a light bulb moment and a plan.
I made a grid around his picture and started sending him good healing energy. I immediately began to feel better and I was told he started to improve at the same time. I also decided that I would fly home because I would never forgive myself if something happened and I was away. This was not a popular decision but Tara supported me to fly home while she stayed on as she loved Bear too and wouldn’t have forgiven herself either should something have happened.
I boarded a plane for Florida the next day and was welcomed at the airport back in Florida by my house sitter and my big black happy Bear. I was told that his symptoms started to improve at the same time that I cast his grid.
In the course of our 11 years together, we had several close calls and some physical ups and downs and each time I learned more and dove deeper into the shamanic world of healing and animal communication.
On the lighter side of things, pretty early on, we discovered that Bear was indeed gay! I mean he did love everyone and everything but he had a very special place in his heart for boy dogs.
This discovery was actually quite funny. A small corgi-hound mix started hanging around in the yard and he would play with the little guy. I assumed that this dog had a home and was just making a friend until he wound up night after night in my laundry room with Bear.
Not to “Out” Bear or anything but I found them happily having oral sex on the floor. This went on day after day and I would tell anyone who happened to be around at the time that he didn’t learn that kind of thing from his moms. We also felt that this little guy needed a home of his own and so fortunately one of my clients fell in love with him and he was just the right fit for her as a Frisbee catcher like her recently deceased dog.
Bear got over that pretty quickly but there was still a chance for Bear to meet the dog of his dreams.
That dog was Tonka, a black lab and chow mix pup that turned up on Tara’s Itchetuknee River house lot the day before Easter. He basically looked just like a Lab but with a purple tongue like the Chows.
First, I fell in love with the puppy who clearly needed to be rescued right then as he was very hungry and dehydrated. I was still mourning the loss of Pearl Bailey who had promised to return around Easter but this was not her, somehow I was sure but at least for now, what could heal the soul better than a puppy?
When we brought Tonka home Bear had thought that he  had died and gone to heaven. I could hear him in my head, I swear he said.”I didn’t think that you could make me any happier, but you brought me a boyfriend and a baby all in one!” Bear loved taking care of babies and Tonka was no exception. Tonka adored Bear and we started calling them the two-headed black dog because you never saw them apart. Bear took Tonka under his paw and trained him, taught him everything about being a Moonhaven dog. I never had to potty train him or anything it was the easiest puppy that I ever had. Bear absolutely thought of everything. By this time, Pearl had reincarnated into Jasmine, once again as a black cat, and then the 3 black animals all hung together. They were a riot, and Jaz and Tonka had the funniest little scraps and games.
Our first Solstice,Tara and I with this crew;,Moonie,Astarte,Bear,Tonka,Merlin,Tara,Itchie,
and littleJaz was about as sweet a day as one could have. Ten red stockings were hung over the fireplace. near the chimney with care in hopes that the Great Goddess soon would be there
Happy Furry Days at Moonhaven for sure.
One of Tonka’s favorite things to do with Bear was to drag him around by his collar. Fortunately Bear was so enamored and easy going that he let the pup drag him happily all around the house.
One night as Tara and I returned from an outing, we saw Bear and Tonka loose on the street near the gate, Somehow they had escaped the fenced yard.  Sometimes its hard to be a psychic and to this day I do not know why I reacted so intensely but I got hysterical and screamed and cried when I saw them on the wrong side of the gate.
Nothing appeared to be wrong that night or even the next day but by the end of the week, Tonka had died a mysterious and painful death. I had been given an African healing ritual to do to try to save him but he passed too quickly. We were all devastated but no one took it as hard as the heartful Bear who was inconsolable. He only had his soulmate for less than a year and I was really worried that we would lose him to heartbreak.
I treated Bear with homeopathics for grief as well as Flower Essences, Gem Elixirs and a whole lot of love yet he was in the depths of despair and loss. Fortunately Kay stepped in and had a talk with Tonka’s spirit because we were all such wrecks.
Kay told me that Tonka wanted to return to his family especially to Bear, that the first time we found him, he had come for me to help me deal with my grief over losing Pearl. He had never meant to stay too long. Now his spirit wanted to come back for him!  He had some definite ideas too about how he wanted to re emerge.
He wanted to be male again in part because that was what Bear needed him to be and he wanted to be big strong and very healthy. He said, “No finding me on the edge of the road this time, too risky, you find the dog and I will get in.”  I didn’t totally comprehend what it meant to “get in” This began the mad search for the PUPPY! It took me nearly a month and I knew that the clock was ticking because of Bear’s depression.
Finally I found who I knew was the right pup, a Catahoula Leopard Hound/German Shepherd mix that I named Appaloosa because he would be as big as a horse given the size of his paws.
Bear was not that taken with his new brotherApple, or Lou Lou as we called him until an interesting chain of events occurred which I will explain when I write Apple’s story.
Suffice it to say that Apple and Bear became totally loving and devoted brothers until Bear passed away when Apple was about 7. I thought we would lose Apple too because he was Bear’s dog, not such a person’s dog.
I always dreaded the day that I would lose Bear and I tried not to focus on that. By working holistically and very spiritually with him and with Kay’s help, we shared many amazing and wonderful years.
There would have never been a good time or way to be separated from my furry soul mate but his passing was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever witnessed and I am forever in his debt for releasing the fear of death from me.
We were never really sure what made him so sick so quickly but he went down and was rushed to the Animal Emergency Care Facility on Friday night and by Saturday afternoon, Mother’s Day, after I tried all his usual remedies, I could feel his breathing shift and I knew that there was nothing to do but love him and help him on this last journey which he did so magnificently. His eyes widened with awe and ecstasy as he saw the Angels come for him and I felt the last beat of his beautiful heart as he had passed away in my arms.
I sent this post to honor him to all of the people who loved him.
. Bear is Flying with the Angels Today
My sweet angel in a fur coat, Bear, formerly known as Spirit and now again known as Spirit crossed over today. I held his heart in my hand and watched
his eyes fill with amazement and wonder as he was clearly met by the many spirits who adored his.
I often said that he was a heart chakra on legs and all who knew him could feel his warmth and love. He was always there for the friends and clients who needed that extra added cuddle
AND HE WAS ALWAYS THERE FOR ME
Tara, who was family with me and Bear for almost all of his 11 years was with us too at the end as it was meant to be. With Cherie we created a little ceremony for him, a fitting send off for a Spirit with a Heart as big
as the great outdoors. My beautiful Appaloosa mare Chinamoon who is the reincarnation of my dog Moonshadow raced around the yard and created a figure 8 outside my bedroom window where Bear passed. He was the most awesome teacher and best friend that I ever had. I will miss him more than I can say and look forward to our next life together. The three sisters that he loved Tara, Cherie, and me held hands and smudged his grave with sage, and an Eagle feather to honor his enormous spirit that could no longer be contained. His brothers Apple. Red Bear, Merlin, Crystal. Wizard, and sisters ChinaMoon, Tucky, Jasmine, and newest cousin Moon Fox will miss him almost as much as I do.

Blessings Flash

* The Wise Woman’s Tarot – http://www.flashsilvermoon.co